Did this year’s election cycle blues drag you down? Were you tired of those political commercials that jumped out at you from the TV screen? Did you find offensive the countless signs, posters and stickers that engulf the nation every fourth year? Did the endless stream of nasty, unsolicited rhetoric on Facebook make you angry? Well, cheer up: I have come up with a new game to help relieve election-year malaise. I hope to perfect it before 2020. It is called “zealot baiting.” It is great fun. The rules are really very simple. First you must find a political zealot. A Democratic zealot is a person who believes that all Republicans hate poor people and have direct ties to the Ku Klux Klan. A Democratic zealot believes that all Republicans are rich, stuffy and boring; that they keep their hair cut short, wear horn-rim glasses and three-piece suits; and that they are Bible-toting, intolerant fanatics. Democratic zealots don’t need to watch the debates or the conventions because they will vote for the entire Democratic contingent – even if the Ayatollah himself were heading it. A Republican zealot is equally easy to spot. He or she believes that all Democrats lean toward, if they are not directly connected to, the Commie Left. A Republican zealot believes that all Democrats have no idea what the real world is all about. That they drive around in eco-friendly cars on their way to yet another protest march when they should be out working hard like the Republican counterparts. They believe that Democrats truly care for the underprivileged as long as somebody else pays the bill. They wear their hair long, their clothes wrinkled, and they probably have a member of their family or a close friend who is on some form of entitlement program. Republican zealots don’t have to watch the conventions or the debates. They will vote for the entire Republican contingent – even if Vladimir Putin himself were heading it. You can’t always spot a zealot simply by sight. A standard question usually is enough to determine if you have a likely candidate. “Who do you hope to support in the next election?” If the person says something like….”I’m not quite sure yet. I think I’ll wait until I am reasonably certain as to where each candidate stands on the issues and then decide”….You have found an intelligent voter. They are no fun at all. Excuse yourself quickly and continue your search elsewhere. But if the person gets red in the face, begins to blink quickly and starts to sweat, you have found a live one. And here is where the fun begins. Determine which party the zealot supports. This is very easily done. This person will verbally subject you to all the wonders of his or her party and all the evils of the opposing party. It is your task to keep the zealot raving. High scores are awarded to those who can keep the zealot excited for the longest time and to those who can get the zealot to change the greatest range of color. (Once I got a zealot to change from pure white to midnight blue in five seconds – a personal record.) Everyone, of course, has his own technique. Personally I can keep a conversation going with a few well-placed questions. If I am talking to a Republican zealot I usually start him/her off with something like….”Gee it was great to see Jimmy Carter at the last convention, wasn’t it?” I follow that with….”I hear Obama is planning to install the ACLU as an official branch of the federal government before he leaves office.” And if I really want to shake things up I throw in something like….”I hear it’s going to be Hillary-Bernie in 2020. If I am talking to a Democratic zealot I might start with….”Wow, that George W really knew what he was doing didn’t he?” I can follow with….”Who do you like better as secretary of state: Jerry Falwell or Pat Robertson?” And if I am in a particularly nasty mood I have only to utter two words to assure myself victory….”Donald Trump.” So if you were feeling rather discouraged during this past campaign, if all the mudslinging and name calling depressed you, try my version of “zealot baiting.” It is fun, stimulating, and best of all we get to do it again every four years. By the way, who do you like in 2020?