It began as a torrid love affair…. When I began teaching Physics in 1968 my first three or four lessons dealt with the use of “The Slide Rule”. You see in 1968 “The Slide Rule” was the only devise available if one wanted to perform complicated mathematical calculations. Now “The Slide Rule” was an amazing device. But I don’t think that anyone would call it simplistic or self-intuitive. Then, in the seventies, the electronic calculator came onto the scene. It was large and expensive but I didn’t care. I fell in love. And my love flourished through the years as the electronic devices grew in their usefulness and availability. But as happens with so many such affairs, the passion was replaced with a feeling of familiarity and comfort. I loved my calculator and my flip phone and my computer and my automobile’s rear view camera. I really loved my TV remote that enabled me to watch a football game, a movie, a talk show, and the news report all at the same time. I was happy. But then, as they say, the blush began to fade from the rose. I began needing three remotes to operate the TV and accompanying devices. My computer began sending me nasty messages. “Your software no longer supports this operating system—you idiot! Go to the master heading, click on applications, scroll down the options for blah blah blah, choose the option for hunya hunya hunya, upload the yada yada yada and follow the instructions to ….. godknowswhere”. But this relationship with technology slipped from love to familiarity and now approaches hate ---thanks almost entirely to my cell phone. You see my flip phone wasn’t good enough. So my wife bought me an i-phone. And each time I eventually got the hang of it—well sort of—it seemed I needed a higher number. I think I am on a “6”. The phones are now up to at least a “10” if I understand correctly. (I think they jumped a few spaces while I write this.) Now in all honesty I do use my phone regularly. I even “text” now. Something I swore I wouldn’t do. But I had to learn because you see my kids and grandkids are so busy and so important that they can’t actually TAKE my calls. I need to text a 15-minute conversation that would take only two minutes with a personal conversation. And get this. My cell phone is a “Smart Phone”. Now I quickly came to realize that my smart phone isn’t really all that smart. Any more than a calculus book is a “Smart Book”. It seems that the smartness of the phone-and the calculus book for that matter-depends on the user. So in fairness I think they should have a sliding scale for phones. My phone for example would be a “Slightly Below Average Phone”. I came to this rating by judging how often my 12-year-old granddaughter rolls her eyes as she watches me navigate the settings. I used to feel sheepish about my inadequacies with technology. But not any more. For I have come to a conclusion. I’m good right here. I don’t need or want any new technology stuff. My brain is all filled up. In fact lots of stuff that I USED to know has leaked out. Keep those higher number phones to yourself. Tell that creepy Alexa that I am perfectly able to turn the lights, the radio and the oven on myself. I’ll never use two-thirds of the gizmos in my automobile. And damnitall I don’t care if I CAN report my problem on line!! I want to TALK with a representative. A real live one! Went to purchase a new TV the other day. Guy asked me if I wanted to buy a “Smart TV”. “No” I said. “Just a slightly below average one”.